What is your approach to therapy?

I believe that healing takes place in the context of relationships, but a relationship can only form between two people with a sense of self.  These are intertwined; how you experience a sense of self emerges as we explore how you understand yourself, how this perspective has been shaped over time and, particularly, in past relationships, and how you currently relate with others by paying attention to what occurs in conversations and interactions.

My posture, as a therapist, is to remain curious and open, courageous and attentive, in order to allow space for both the expression and exploration of emotions and thoughts, unspeakable desires or fantasies, dreams, and where responsibility is being located. This means creating a space within my own self to welcome and engage what you bring into the room, while creatively and imaginatively noting what hasn’t yet appeared. This also involves modeling an ability to tolerate the immediate ambiguity and confusion, joining with you in this inner journey together to explore your internal sense of self, where there is weakness or misalignment, and working through a restoration of a healthy inner self in relationship.

What can I expect to experience in therapy?

I want to first acknowledge that it takes courage to enter into therapeutic work with a new therapist. In order to set your mind at ease, I want to lay out the way I will approach our work together so that we can enter into this process with a sense of how to move forward together, and what you can expect from me.

My focus will be to engage in our relationship by listening carefully to what you say and how you say it, asking questions when I don’t understand or am unclear by what you mean, and doing my best to be fully present with you. This will involve delving into your history – where you grew up, your family – along with seeing how the experiences of your past show up in the present. Basically, what is it like to be you and how did you get to see the world this way?

I will also be open about what is going on in me, to let you in on how you are impacting and coming across to me.

I don’t like to talk about my problems. Why see a therapist?

The relationship between a therapist and client is unique.  While in most social contexts, one is often expected to have tact and grace, or may worry about burning out your friends with your worries and issues, our time together is an opportunity for you to say as much as you want about what you are feeling, thinking, or even fantasizing about.  There are no rules about being polite; rather, the best way to gain insight is to develop the strength to be completely honest and open about what is going on inside you, even if you may be nervous about offending me or wondering what I might think.

Part of our work together is to enable you to explore the full range of your emotions and thoughts, for you to become more fully yourself, and to develop your own internal structure and self to find your path. This means that I will not direct where we should go, but will be responsive to whatever comes up for you.

How can I be sure that therapy will help?

I am not a car mechanic here to fix a problem; rather, I am a fellow explorer, joining you in a process of mutual discovery.  I am not here to give you advice, and my opinion is not the final say.  Rather, I will offer my genuine feelings and thoughts as invitations to see what they stir within you, and will welcome your efforts to have me clarify or to re-think what I’ve said.

The need for objective guarantees, whether it be a fundamentalist view of the Bible or concrete evidence for the efficacy of a treatment, is pretty strong. If I am going to spend hundreds of dollars to “get well,” particularly when my life and sanity are in play, I want to know I’m not chasing the latest fad or being sold a bill of goods. The difficulty is that relational therapy is nuanced, and is a co-created method; both the client and therapist have a role to play. I do not treat a client who is under anesthesia, doing all the work like a surgeon, but rather, it is in the interplay of the relationship that healing and transformation take place.

It is my belief that lasting change and growth happen within a safe, inviting, warm relationship. It is by experiencing new ways of being close to another person that we all learn how to live more fully into who we are, and find the capacity to engage in our community, relationships, work, and play.

I have some more questions…

Feel free to drop me a line at chris@shelterwoodcollective.com.